I Am Here. It’s Destine.

I live here. I don’t visit or just pop in for weekends. It have a life here. (Soon) a house here. It’s not a choice, it’s destine.

I don’t like to admit it, but I’ve been having a hard time lately. A hard time breaking the divide from where my family and childhood friends are to where I am. Physically, in Grand Rapids. But also in life. Emotionally.

I have no interest in the bar scene, I’m not having kids, I’m not looking to date. What am I doing really? Well, I’m working 50 plus hours a week at my business, going to photo seminars and workshops that feel like social outings. I have mid week dates with a pretty amazing boyfriend. And I takes picture of people in love. It sounds simple and cliche, but none of it really feels like work. Ok, at the end of a wedding when my feet are sore and my back hurts, it feels like work. When I’m doing my taxes, it feels like work. But the overall payoff if really great to me. I defiantly don’t have it all figured out in my business but I know this is it. I’ll always be a photographer of some kind.

Then there is this other nagging problem: My family lives 180 miles away. Sometimes (I won’t lie) this is nice, other times (and moreover) it’s very inconvenient. I talk to my mom everyday and we have a great relationship, but the rest of my family and friends, not so much. How far is too far to keep a relationship afloat? Is distance simply relative to the effort you put in? Do friends simply grow apart after a number of years, varied interests and miles in-between? These are things I wonder about.

Then there’s family connections. Would I have liked to be there to hold my mom when she called to tell me my grandma had unexpectedly passed away. To be with her through the night while she grieved? More than anything in my life. It’s something I still feel guilty about. But I had obligations in Grand Rapids to take care of before I went back home.  I’m usually the last to know about family functions, holiday plans and general family gossip. Sometimes, it’s assumed I’m just not attending certain events. I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place when they ask, “When are you moving back to the East side?” Little do they know, I’m firmly planed in Grand Rapids.

This is what I refer to as the 180 mile gap. Physically and emotionally. I’m currently taking suggestions on how to bridge it.

A couple of articles that recently made me feel a little better about this topic: Why being in Your 20’s is Awesome and in contrast, Why being in your 20’s Sucks.

And because every post is better with a picture, here is one of my cousin trying to convince me to not to tell her mom that she ate cake before dinner.I had her back of course… until her mom sees this picture.

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